I Could Never Do That! - Homeschool Edition

I hear it all the time when people find out that I homeschool our children.  Five children, to be exact.  And yes, we even homeschool through high school.  People say they could never do it themselves.  

My response?  Yes you could, if you believed it was best for your children, or for your family.  

I’m really an ordinary person.  I attended public school from Kindergarten through 12^th grade, and graduated.  I have a college degree, a B.A. in Music Ministry.  I have no desire to get any further degrees.  But I love learning!  I’m naturally curious about everything.  And through homeschooling my children, I have learned SO MUCH!  Some of it I had forgotten, some I never learned in the first place, and some I just didn’t have the context to really understand it like I do now.  It is very enriching.  Homeschooling has exposed me and my children to some high quality books on history, science, cultures, biographies, as well as innovative approaches to learning how to write well and to understand math.  I’m grateful for the opportunity my children have had to learn from these resources.  You see, ordinary me enjoying extraordinary resources with my children!

Often the reason my “never” conversational companion states for homeschooling just not being an option is they would butt heads with their child(ren).  Yep.  I do.  I recently took a simple enneagram quiz that pegged me as a 9 “The Peacemaker” or mediator.  Peacemakers struggle when there’s conflict in their environment.  Guess what?  There’s conflict in our home environment multiple times a day because there are five siblings!  I butt heads with my children.  I redirect, correct, admonish, urge, plead, remind, coerce, whatever it takes for us to accomplish what I believe we need to accomplish in a day.  

We will learn, we will complete today’s work.  Then we may relax.  That is, until I give you a chore.  After that, you can relax.  But limit your screen time.  In fact, go outside and play.

Truth be told, butting heads is part of parenting.  They don’t want to do things.  As their teacher and mother, it’s my job to set those expectations.  There are certain things which I perceive will prepare them for successful adulthood.  

When we butt heads, since we have to live with each other, we work out our issues and maintain the mother-child relationship.  It’s not easy.  Motherhood is a tough job.  I am a better person because learning to relate to each of my children well develops my character.

There are scores of reasons why I believe homeschooling is the best thing for our family.  

- I treasure the opportunity to really know my children well as they learn and grow

- I love that we learn from the Bible together daily.

- When we’re done with our schoolwork for the day, we’re done.  No homework for the evening.  My children have time to play, explore, read about things they’re interested in, and create without being overscheduled.

- As a military family, our children would have had to adjust to a new school every 6 months to 4 years.  Because state standards vary all over our country, and even the standards among the districts in each community vary, my children would either be behind or ahead of their grade-peers and have to adjust or suffer accordingly.  We have eliminated that source of stress by carrying our school with us - when we move, our school moves, and my children have educational continuity.

- I know our history is based on the purposes and story of God and the people He loves, and that through studying world history, we can learn lessons to better our future.  Consider this article - https://wallbuilders.com/god-milling-action-american-history/

- Our learning is centered around developing our character.  

- Our learning is not merely for meeting academic standards, but for preparing to serve a purpose of value in whatever community we find ourselves in the future.

Because I see such value in it, I continue.  And as I do, I learn how to do it a little better each year.  When I began, I didn’t know nearly as much as I do now.  Through other homeschool families, books, websites, conferences and curriculum, I have learned a lot.  And I’ve learned the most from working with my five individual children with their various learning styles and preferences and strengths and weaknesses.  Ultimately, the journey of learning from them is what I treasure the most.

  

I Could Never Do That! - Military Life Edition

I hear it all the time.  I meet a civilian, we have enough conversation for them to find out I’m the wife of a soldier, and then they exclaim, “I could never do that!”  I know it’s meant as a compliment.  I say it about women who have served in the military.  I could never do that.  Sometimes I say, “You’re a tougher woman than me!”  I have no desire to be so disciplined about my fitness to be able to keep up with the requirements of the Army.  I’m much happier letting my husband do that.  (When he would describe to me the things he was doing to prepare for a PT test, or a battalion run he was going to have to get up early for, my response is often, “better you than me.”  I have no desire to hold a job that requires me to be physically fit.)

But my other thought when people say they could never be married to a military man is, “I bet you could.”  The reasons I can are many.  I love our story of why.

My husband and I were married for six years when he realized the Army needed chaplains and he wanted to pursue it.  God had prepared me for this exact announcement in 2004.  We were doing ministry at a small church in Illinois with wonderful people that we love.  We happened to be going through “40 Days of Purpose” with our congregation, based on Rick Warren’s book, “The Purpose Driven Life”.  As much as we both loved discipling people in the church and reaching out to the unchurched in our community, we felt God’s call to a different context where more outreach might be possible.  As we asked existing Army chaplains and other soldiers questions about what the job would be like, everything clearly lined up with my husband’s areas of giftedness.  It truly excited us both to see these opportunities.  Because my husband is in a job that God has undoubtedly equipped him for, and because he thrives in this role, I can do this.  I’m blessed by being able to support his ministry.  It brings me joy.

It also brings me joy to be living this adventure.  As a young girl, I learned about myself that I loved to explore, travel, try new things, try all kinds of food, and get to know all kinds of people.  God prepared me for this calling years before I ever met my husband.

Another time people have often told me they could never do what I do is during a deployment.  We have experienced two long deployments in our career so far, and multiple times when he’s been gone for field training exercises, or deployment preparation with his unit at the National Training Center, or gone on temporary duty for training specific to his career path.  I’d estimate out of our 14 years in the Army so far, we’ve been apart over 3 years.  We had two small children when we began, so I know well what it is to manage a home and children alone.  While I haven’t enjoyed having to take on the responsibilities of our family without him, I have been grateful for the growth in me that God shaped in those times.  I truly have become a better mother, more patient and gracious, because I was the only one at home for long stretches of time.  

In addition to that, I am confident sending my husband to a danger zone because I know his ministry is needed.  We have shared a passion for ministry since we met.  Not only do I know my husband is doing something he’s good at, but I want him to support our troops with everything that he offers as a chaplain.  Yes, there is a risk that my husband might not come home safely, and that would be devastating for me.  I really struggled with saying goodbye for the second long deployment, because it had barely been a year since he had returned from his previous one.  But, I came to terms with it this way - if God allows my husband’s life to end, I will take comfort in knowing that my husband’s purpose in life was completed.  If he comes home safely, God has more work for him to do.  It doesn’t completely take away the fear, but it is my mantra of resolve.  

“I could never pick up and move my family every few years!  How do you do it?”  My response?  “I could never live in the same place I grew up my whole life without travelling and exploring all the time!”  I love our country.  We have fully taken advantage of the different places the Army has stationed us and explored nearby national parks and monuments, area attractions, local cuisine and diners, and learned about the history of the areas.  It is fascinating, enriching and educational.

I love getting orders for a new place and researching the opportunities and resources there.  I love the challenge of making another house a home.  I love purging things we no longer need before (and after) a move.   

Also, I love all the friends I’ve made.  God has wonderful people in every place He sends us.  As early as our first duty station I learned that I would enjoy getting to know a person even if it was for just an hour of conversation and I never saw them again.  Listening and sharing with that person enriches my life because I learn something, and hopefully they do from me too.  So I don’t close myself off from relationships.  God wired me to be interested in all kinds of people.  I love learning what makes them unique, and what their experiences have been, and sometimes finding things in common.

But still, me being a soldier?  I could never do that!