I Could Never Do That! - Military Life Edition

I hear it all the time.  I meet a civilian, we have enough conversation for them to find out I’m the wife of a soldier, and then they exclaim, “I could never do that!”  I know it’s meant as a compliment.  I say it about women who have served in the military.  I could never do that.  Sometimes I say, “You’re a tougher woman than me!”  I have no desire to be so disciplined about my fitness to be able to keep up with the requirements of the Army.  I’m much happier letting my husband do that.  (When he would describe to me the things he was doing to prepare for a PT test, or a battalion run he was going to have to get up early for, my response is often, “better you than me.”  I have no desire to hold a job that requires me to be physically fit.)

But my other thought when people say they could never be married to a military man is, “I bet you could.”  The reasons I can are many.  I love our story of why.

My husband and I were married for six years when he realized the Army needed chaplains and he wanted to pursue it.  God had prepared me for this exact announcement in 2004.  We were doing ministry at a small church in Illinois with wonderful people that we love.  We happened to be going through “40 Days of Purpose” with our congregation, based on Rick Warren’s book, “The Purpose Driven Life”.  As much as we both loved discipling people in the church and reaching out to the unchurched in our community, we felt God’s call to a different context where more outreach might be possible.  As we asked existing Army chaplains and other soldiers questions about what the job would be like, everything clearly lined up with my husband’s areas of giftedness.  It truly excited us both to see these opportunities.  Because my husband is in a job that God has undoubtedly equipped him for, and because he thrives in this role, I can do this.  I’m blessed by being able to support his ministry.  It brings me joy.

It also brings me joy to be living this adventure.  As a young girl, I learned about myself that I loved to explore, travel, try new things, try all kinds of food, and get to know all kinds of people.  God prepared me for this calling years before I ever met my husband.

Another time people have often told me they could never do what I do is during a deployment.  We have experienced two long deployments in our career so far, and multiple times when he’s been gone for field training exercises, or deployment preparation with his unit at the National Training Center, or gone on temporary duty for training specific to his career path.  I’d estimate out of our 14 years in the Army so far, we’ve been apart over 3 years.  We had two small children when we began, so I know well what it is to manage a home and children alone.  While I haven’t enjoyed having to take on the responsibilities of our family without him, I have been grateful for the growth in me that God shaped in those times.  I truly have become a better mother, more patient and gracious, because I was the only one at home for long stretches of time.  

In addition to that, I am confident sending my husband to a danger zone because I know his ministry is needed.  We have shared a passion for ministry since we met.  Not only do I know my husband is doing something he’s good at, but I want him to support our troops with everything that he offers as a chaplain.  Yes, there is a risk that my husband might not come home safely, and that would be devastating for me.  I really struggled with saying goodbye for the second long deployment, because it had barely been a year since he had returned from his previous one.  But, I came to terms with it this way - if God allows my husband’s life to end, I will take comfort in knowing that my husband’s purpose in life was completed.  If he comes home safely, God has more work for him to do.  It doesn’t completely take away the fear, but it is my mantra of resolve.  

“I could never pick up and move my family every few years!  How do you do it?”  My response?  “I could never live in the same place I grew up my whole life without travelling and exploring all the time!”  I love our country.  We have fully taken advantage of the different places the Army has stationed us and explored nearby national parks and monuments, area attractions, local cuisine and diners, and learned about the history of the areas.  It is fascinating, enriching and educational.

I love getting orders for a new place and researching the opportunities and resources there.  I love the challenge of making another house a home.  I love purging things we no longer need before (and after) a move.   

Also, I love all the friends I’ve made.  God has wonderful people in every place He sends us.  As early as our first duty station I learned that I would enjoy getting to know a person even if it was for just an hour of conversation and I never saw them again.  Listening and sharing with that person enriches my life because I learn something, and hopefully they do from me too.  So I don’t close myself off from relationships.  God wired me to be interested in all kinds of people.  I love learning what makes them unique, and what their experiences have been, and sometimes finding things in common.

But still, me being a soldier?  I could never do that!