PCS to Okinawa in our Near Future

"From Okie to Oki"

After 14 1/2 years of Army life, we expect moves to happen every few years, and we knew this one was coming.  We just didn't see this location coming!  We received word this month that Summer 2020, we'll be moving from Oklahoma to Okinawa, Japan!

My first reaction was one of huge surprise, followed by concern, followed by excitement mixed with anxiety.  The way I deal with anxiety is to gather more information.  So for the past two weeks, we've been gathering information.  Here's some of what we have learned so far:

- We're going to have to store or sell our cars, because it's not financially wise to ship a car to Japan.  They drive on the other side of the road, the Japanese inspection process is picky and hard to pass with cars made for America, and we will be able to buy a used vehicle from other military families once we arrive.  This is a huge bummer as my husband has a sporty car he loves (Honda S2000) and has put a lot of time and work into keeping up, and we had expected to own it for years to come.  My van, a 2016 Honda Odyssey, was just purchased a year ago when our old 2006 Odyssey bit the dust.  However, it's a great time to sell an S2000, as demand for this car no longer being produced is rising, and I already have had 5 people express interest in buying our van.

- We are only allowed to bring 25% of the weight allowance for my husband's rank.  Everything we usually move with is always under our weight allowance.  But now we'll need to leave most of our belongings in storage.  The military will give us all the furniture and appliances we need once we arrive and have a house.  So I'm thinking we will bring our own master bed, and a few small bookshelves (because homeschool), but leave all the rest of our furniture in the US in storage.  I'm making mental lists as I look around my house as to whether it will go with us or be put in storage.

- Okinawa is almost tropical!  It sits just a little way north of the Tropic of Cancer, so it's not in the tropic zone, but it's close.  We had been stationed in Hawaii 2006-2009, so we know what that's like.  We hear the heat is a little less bearable in summer because, unlike Hawaii, there aren't the breezes blowing.  Okinawa is humid.  I prefer humidity over dry air, so I expect to enjoy it.  My skin and hair are happier with humidity.

- Three years from now, our children will outgrow many of the things we own.  So unless they are moving with us, I don't intend to store them.  Some of the sizes of winter clothes and outerwear for playing in the snow can be sold/donated.  Also some of our books and toys have already been given away with this move in mind.  If we won't need it in 3 years, I don't want to store it.

- We're going to have to decide whether or not to store or sell some other items, such as our ride-on mower, and our washer and dryer, and even my piano.  We aren't sure they'd still work after 3 years in storage, which isn't required to be climate controlled, so damage and deterioration is possible.  With that in mind, it makes better sense to sell them, and buy replacements when we return.

- Christmas decor is worth bringing, as it is hard to find in Japan.  So my little artificial tree that I was thinking about replacing with a bigger one next year is actually perfect for the next 3 Christmases in Japan where we hear housing is small.  Everything else Christmas I own has already been limited to 2 plastic bins for our last several years.  Still, I'm thinking I'll reduce it to 1 bin to bring, 1 bin to store.

- In general, I'm enjoying the motivation to purge excess belongings.  I've already sold and given away several things, and I'm finding more and more to unload as we go.  I'm working on using up lotions and soaps, cleaners and batteries, and have committed to only buying what we'll use before we move.  I find that if I know a place or a person that can benefit from my donation, I'm more ready to part with it.  Several books went to a Christian school, babyproofing things go to new moms, more books going to a missionary retreat house, some of our toys were re-gifted to nieces and nephews, and our youngests' toddler beds (modified cribs) we'll give to the local pregnancy resource center.  All my gardening supplies went to a friend who already gardens and plans to retire locally.  We've downsized our games to the ones we actually play.

- Given the ages and grades of my children (currently preschool, 1st, 8th and 9th), I will need to bring the curriculum for teaching K through 4th grades and 9th through 12th grades.  I own all of the high school resources already, and some of the elementary books I plan to use.  I can buy curriculum once we get there, because our address will be an APO.  However, shipping takes longer, so I'll have to plan ahead.  I haven't decided if I'll try to bring a few resources in my suitcase to begin our August 2020 school year, in case we're ready to start before our shipment of HHG (household goods) arrives.

- We have already made appointments with our primary care doctors to be sure everything is in order for our overseas screening.

- We'll be given "no fee" military passports which are good to get us to Okinawa, but we'll have to also buy Tourist passports for travel to or through any other country.

- Our oldest child currently plans to stay behind to begin college.  We have dozens of family and friends ready and willing to support her in our absence.  I'm grieving the distance we'll be and the lack of involvement I'll be able to have, but so grateful for others who have offered to help with whatever she needs.

- I'm on the lookout for a good deal on suitcases, possibly from a thrift store, because I expect we'll fly with our allowed 2 per person, which equals 12 suitcases.  We own 2 full-sized suitcases, and the other 5 are small.  We'll want to bring as much as we can because it will be 1-2 months before we have a house and our belongings.

- I'm also on the lookout for a new ball gown, because Army balls are a thing, and I need a new one, and I'm not sure I'll find what I need in Japan.  And a friend advised me to be sure I have shoes that are easy to slip on and off, because Japanese custom is to remove your shoes before entering a building.

I was talking with someone a few days ago, and she said, "It sounds like you're in upheaval".  That's a great word.  Lots of stuff needs to be sorted, and many plans need to be made.  But I know the next steps to take, and I've moved enough times that I am at peace.  I know that stuff is just stuff, we'll get everything prepared as best we can, and we'll enjoy Okinawa when we get there, so it will all be worth it.

When Love Looks Like a Multiple Choice Quiz

The morning started off roughly between us.  He didn't know I had slept poorly, I was still in bed when he had to get ready for a half-day of work, and I was really annoyed by all the noise he and the kids were making as they got ready for their day.  When I commented that he was so loud, he said he was sorry but he had to get ready for work.  Then he left the room, but didn't close the bedroom door.  When he came back in a few minutes later to let me know he was leaving for work, I turned away and ignored him.  So he went to work.  I laid there thinking how rude he had been to not even ask if I wasn't feeling well or hadn't slept well.  Then I got up and started my day.  

By the time he got home for lunch, I had gone back to bed with my door closed, so tired from insomnia the night before, not really hungry, and just interested in being left alone.  I heard him come in the house, get himself and the kids their meal together, and pondered how I felt.  "He doesn't love me."  That was my primary thought, followed by, "He prioritizes work over our relationship.  I don't matter."  But then I thought, "I'm going to give him a chance to prove me wrong." 

"Let's see, if he wants to show me he loves me, he'll:

1) Come in and check on me, because it's unusual that I would be in bed at this time of day.

or

2) Come in just to put his work things away and let me know he'll keep the family quiet so I can rest.

3) Come in and offer to make me lunch and bring it in to me."

Yes, I really was giving my husband a litmus test on whether or not he loved me, unbeknownst to him.  Really mature, right?

But then I realized how unfair I was being.  Yes, perhaps my expectations for the morning hadn't been met.  Perhaps he didn't perfectly communicate a loving connection before going to work.  But I was ignoring the 20+ years of marriage which is full of evidence of his love for me.  And I decided it was unrealistic to put specific options in my mind for him to fulfill to make it up to me how I felt he had behaved in the morning.  So I added a third option.

"4) Other."  My husband was free to express his love to me in other ways besides what I thought I would prefer or thought I deserved.  His other usually comes in the form of helping me around the house, giving me a break from the children, or a number of other gestures which are thoughtful and done to help me in some way.

Ideally, I might like it if my husband filled my desire to be loved in all the ways that I prefer, but to expect that always is unrealistic.  And it's also selfish of me to have an uncommunicated expectation.  He knows my love language, and I have told him what really communicates love to me many times.  But those ways are not a box in which I should confine my husband.  Instead, from now on, I hope I can choose to look at the ways my husband is expressing his love for me in ways "Other" than how I imagine he should.  He is a unique individual, and I want him to express his love to me in the ways that only he uniquely can.

Yes, I decided, I would be willing to accept option #4) Other.  So I got up, went into the kitchen and ate lunch with my family without a chip on my shoulder or unrealistic expectations, and I'm glad I did.

I Could Never Do That! - Homeschool Edition

I hear it all the time when people find out that I homeschool our children.  Five children, to be exact.  And yes, we even homeschool through high school.  People say they could never do it themselves.  

My response?  Yes you could, if you believed it was best for your children, or for your family.  

I’m really an ordinary person.  I attended public school from Kindergarten through 12^th grade, and graduated.  I have a college degree, a B.A. in Music Ministry.  I have no desire to get any further degrees.  But I love learning!  I’m naturally curious about everything.  And through homeschooling my children, I have learned SO MUCH!  Some of it I had forgotten, some I never learned in the first place, and some I just didn’t have the context to really understand it like I do now.  It is very enriching.  Homeschooling has exposed me and my children to some high quality books on history, science, cultures, biographies, as well as innovative approaches to learning how to write well and to understand math.  I’m grateful for the opportunity my children have had to learn from these resources.  You see, ordinary me enjoying extraordinary resources with my children!

Often the reason my “never” conversational companion states for homeschooling just not being an option is they would butt heads with their child(ren).  Yep.  I do.  I recently took a simple enneagram quiz that pegged me as a 9 “The Peacemaker” or mediator.  Peacemakers struggle when there’s conflict in their environment.  Guess what?  There’s conflict in our home environment multiple times a day because there are five siblings!  I butt heads with my children.  I redirect, correct, admonish, urge, plead, remind, coerce, whatever it takes for us to accomplish what I believe we need to accomplish in a day.  

We will learn, we will complete today’s work.  Then we may relax.  That is, until I give you a chore.  After that, you can relax.  But limit your screen time.  In fact, go outside and play.

Truth be told, butting heads is part of parenting.  They don’t want to do things.  As their teacher and mother, it’s my job to set those expectations.  There are certain things which I perceive will prepare them for successful adulthood.  

When we butt heads, since we have to live with each other, we work out our issues and maintain the mother-child relationship.  It’s not easy.  Motherhood is a tough job.  I am a better person because learning to relate to each of my children well develops my character.

There are scores of reasons why I believe homeschooling is the best thing for our family.  

- I treasure the opportunity to really know my children well as they learn and grow

- I love that we learn from the Bible together daily.

- When we’re done with our schoolwork for the day, we’re done.  No homework for the evening.  My children have time to play, explore, read about things they’re interested in, and create without being overscheduled.

- As a military family, our children would have had to adjust to a new school every 6 months to 4 years.  Because state standards vary all over our country, and even the standards among the districts in each community vary, my children would either be behind or ahead of their grade-peers and have to adjust or suffer accordingly.  We have eliminated that source of stress by carrying our school with us - when we move, our school moves, and my children have educational continuity.

- I know our history is based on the purposes and story of God and the people He loves, and that through studying world history, we can learn lessons to better our future.  Consider this article - https://wallbuilders.com/god-milling-action-american-history/

- Our learning is centered around developing our character.  

- Our learning is not merely for meeting academic standards, but for preparing to serve a purpose of value in whatever community we find ourselves in the future.

Because I see such value in it, I continue.  And as I do, I learn how to do it a little better each year.  When I began, I didn’t know nearly as much as I do now.  Through other homeschool families, books, websites, conferences and curriculum, I have learned a lot.  And I’ve learned the most from working with my five individual children with their various learning styles and preferences and strengths and weaknesses.  Ultimately, the journey of learning from them is what I treasure the most.

  

I Could Never Do That! - Military Life Edition

I hear it all the time.  I meet a civilian, we have enough conversation for them to find out I’m the wife of a soldier, and then they exclaim, “I could never do that!”  I know it’s meant as a compliment.  I say it about women who have served in the military.  I could never do that.  Sometimes I say, “You’re a tougher woman than me!”  I have no desire to be so disciplined about my fitness to be able to keep up with the requirements of the Army.  I’m much happier letting my husband do that.  (When he would describe to me the things he was doing to prepare for a PT test, or a battalion run he was going to have to get up early for, my response is often, “better you than me.”  I have no desire to hold a job that requires me to be physically fit.)

But my other thought when people say they could never be married to a military man is, “I bet you could.”  The reasons I can are many.  I love our story of why.

My husband and I were married for six years when he realized the Army needed chaplains and he wanted to pursue it.  God had prepared me for this exact announcement in 2004.  We were doing ministry at a small church in Illinois with wonderful people that we love.  We happened to be going through “40 Days of Purpose” with our congregation, based on Rick Warren’s book, “The Purpose Driven Life”.  As much as we both loved discipling people in the church and reaching out to the unchurched in our community, we felt God’s call to a different context where more outreach might be possible.  As we asked existing Army chaplains and other soldiers questions about what the job would be like, everything clearly lined up with my husband’s areas of giftedness.  It truly excited us both to see these opportunities.  Because my husband is in a job that God has undoubtedly equipped him for, and because he thrives in this role, I can do this.  I’m blessed by being able to support his ministry.  It brings me joy.

It also brings me joy to be living this adventure.  As a young girl, I learned about myself that I loved to explore, travel, try new things, try all kinds of food, and get to know all kinds of people.  God prepared me for this calling years before I ever met my husband.

Another time people have often told me they could never do what I do is during a deployment.  We have experienced two long deployments in our career so far, and multiple times when he’s been gone for field training exercises, or deployment preparation with his unit at the National Training Center, or gone on temporary duty for training specific to his career path.  I’d estimate out of our 14 years in the Army so far, we’ve been apart over 3 years.  We had two small children when we began, so I know well what it is to manage a home and children alone.  While I haven’t enjoyed having to take on the responsibilities of our family without him, I have been grateful for the growth in me that God shaped in those times.  I truly have become a better mother, more patient and gracious, because I was the only one at home for long stretches of time.  

In addition to that, I am confident sending my husband to a danger zone because I know his ministry is needed.  We have shared a passion for ministry since we met.  Not only do I know my husband is doing something he’s good at, but I want him to support our troops with everything that he offers as a chaplain.  Yes, there is a risk that my husband might not come home safely, and that would be devastating for me.  I really struggled with saying goodbye for the second long deployment, because it had barely been a year since he had returned from his previous one.  But, I came to terms with it this way - if God allows my husband’s life to end, I will take comfort in knowing that my husband’s purpose in life was completed.  If he comes home safely, God has more work for him to do.  It doesn’t completely take away the fear, but it is my mantra of resolve.  

“I could never pick up and move my family every few years!  How do you do it?”  My response?  “I could never live in the same place I grew up my whole life without travelling and exploring all the time!”  I love our country.  We have fully taken advantage of the different places the Army has stationed us and explored nearby national parks and monuments, area attractions, local cuisine and diners, and learned about the history of the areas.  It is fascinating, enriching and educational.

I love getting orders for a new place and researching the opportunities and resources there.  I love the challenge of making another house a home.  I love purging things we no longer need before (and after) a move.   

Also, I love all the friends I’ve made.  God has wonderful people in every place He sends us.  As early as our first duty station I learned that I would enjoy getting to know a person even if it was for just an hour of conversation and I never saw them again.  Listening and sharing with that person enriches my life because I learn something, and hopefully they do from me too.  So I don’t close myself off from relationships.  God wired me to be interested in all kinds of people.  I love learning what makes them unique, and what their experiences have been, and sometimes finding things in common.

But still, me being a soldier?  I could never do that!

How I Homeschooled Preschool

You’ve taught your child so much since birth.  You can do preschool better than any preschool because you know your kid.  You can do this!  

When my children were preschool age (3-4), I did a bit of structured learning focused on Reading, Writing and Math, topped with lots and lots of library books - some educational, some just for the joy of reading a great story.  When our schedule allowed, we added story time at a local library.

How Do I Know What To Teach?

“Home Learning Year by Year” by Rebecca Ropp is an invaluable overview resource for me.  This was especially true for me preschool through 1st grade and before I purchased a complete curriculum.  Check your library for this resource or purchase a copy for yourself.  Since it was published in 2000 some of Rebecca’s resources may need updating, but it lists the critical things to teach your child through 12th grade.  I refer to it regularly to assess my children’s readiness for the next grade.

“Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons” (http://startreading.com/) is an exceptional resource for teaching a child to read.  My children have all learned to read using this as they were ready between the ages of 3 and 6.

When it comes to math, the Math-U-See Primer (https://mathusee.com/) is an easy to use option that launched my kids well.  All of my children used this in preschool or kindergarten.  It is a good introduction to math concepts, and helps you determine when they are ready to learn how to write their numbers.  My children enjoyed watching the lesson introduction videos, doing the worksheets and, most of all, playing with the manipulatives. These blocks that represent the numbers often become toys around our house.  Additionally, Steve Demme’s unique and engaging methods teach place value, clocks and telling time in a memorable way that sticks with children.

For Preschool, K and 1st grade, I didn’t use a complete packaged curriculum.  A lot of ordinary workbooks you can find at WalMart, Walgreens, office supply stores or Dollar General are just as effective.  Budget tip -- I actually found a bunch of mine in thrift stores, most barely used by the previous owner!  These workbooks gave me inexpensive resources to see what my child was good at, how they liked to learn, and offered art and game ideas.  Some of my children enjoyed coloring, others didn’t.  Knowing this helped me plan for future learning activities that would work well for each child.  The workbooks also enhanced our learning of reading and math concepts, and introduced both science and geography concepts.  I especially enjoyed the “Comprehensive Curriculum of Basic Skills” workbooks.

How Should I Structure My School Day?

School in the early years shouldn’t be a formal all day long enterprise.  Structured learning at the preschool and K level should be 90 minutes or less, and involve foundational mental and motor skill developers like: lots of playing, experimenting with paint and play dough, learning how to hold a pencil, learning how to cut with scissors, running around outside, kicking balls, etc.  Read, read, read together!  This fosters a love of books and an interest in learning to read.  Make learning fun.  Library books let you explore wonderful stories and non-fiction books about people, places and things, and even early science concepts while costing you nothing.  If you’re looking for lists of great books to search for at the library, I recommend: http://amblesideonline.org/00bks.shtml

Or:

https://simplycharlottemason.com/planning/preschool-guide/preschool-foundations/favorite-read-aloud-books-for-preschoolers/

Also, I just discovered these:
http://www.gatewaytotheclassics.com/browse/books_browse_by_level.php

Nap time is a must at this age.  It’s good for the child.  It’s especially good for the parent.  Even when my children seemed to be “outgrowing their nap time”, I required quiet time.  After lunch, all my children may take three books and lay down on their bed to read.  Often my preschool and kindergarten children fall asleep after looking through their books.  This came in handy when my older children needed my attention for read-alouds and other subjects I was teaching them.  While my small children have “quiet time” on a blanket on the floor of the living room, my older children listen to me read.  My younger children listen in as well, and they learn until they fall asleep to the soothing sound of my reading aloud.

Also, don't neglect teaching your preschoolers to help you around the house.  Mine have helped me with sorting dirty laundry into loads, sorting clean laundry into the right family member's basket, pulling weeds, gathering trash from small wastebaskets around the house into one big trash can,  and putting unbreakable clean dishes and silverware away.  Depending on the tools you have available, they might also help with vacuuming and sweeping floors.  My preschoolers are responsible to help clean up any toys they played with and put their clean laundry in their own drawers.  I try to impress upon all of my children that we all help with the chores because we all contribute to the mess, and we are a team.

Adding music is a great way to learn for all ages, but especially for the early years.  I hoarded Scripture Memory CDs.  We learn a lot of memory verses through music.  Preschoolers especially love songs that have actions.  The Wee Sing series of CDs come with lyric booklets, and many of their songs include actions.  Songs can also teach academic concepts like the days of the week.

Try this song to the tune of “The Addams Family” theme song:

Days of the week (snap, snap)

Days of the week (snap, snap)

There’s Sunday and there’s Monday,

There’s Tuesday and there’s Wednesday,

There’s Thursday and there’s Friday,

And then there’s Saturday.

Days of the week (snap, snap)

Days of the week (snap, snap)

Or another days of the week song which is the tune of “Oh My Darlin’ Clementine”:

There are seven, there are seven, there are seven days in the week:

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

Also, I have taught this song to my preschool class at a homeschool co-op for the months of the year.  The tune is “Ten Little Indians”:

January, February, March and April,

May, June, July and August,

September, October, November and December.

Twelve Months in the year.

I also love several of the color-spelling songs my middle daughter learned in public school Kindergarten, and I’ve used them in my preschool co-op class.  I discovered they come from Frog Street Press.  Here is their song for the color yellow: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bC7UctwCvrI

Also, check out Twin Sisters Productions (https://twinsisters.com/) who have a ton of educational songs, and in some cases, books to go with them.  My favorites are the Scripture memory songs.  You can listen to these at home or in the car, and the music helps your child put good things to memory.

For fun music I also love everything from The Go Fish Guys.  Their “Party Like a Preschooler” CD is my kids’ favorite at this age.  https://www.gofishresources.com/music

Homeschooling my preschoolers is very rewarding for me.  Watching my children grasp new concepts, ask questions and make comments on what we're learning gives me insight into their thoughts as they gain independence and learn new skills.  I hope these resources provide you a great launchpad for homeschooling your preschooler.

Check out the rest of my series on “How I Homeschooled” for the following grade levels:

How I Homeschooled Kindergarten

How I Homeschooled 1st grade

How I Homeschooled 2nd grade

How I Homeschooled 3rd grade

How I Homeschooled 4th through 8th grade

How I Homeschooled High School