PCS to Okinawa in our Near Future

"From Okie to Oki"

After 14 1/2 years of Army life, we expect moves to happen every few years, and we knew this one was coming.  We just didn't see this location coming!  We received word this month that Summer 2020, we'll be moving from Oklahoma to Okinawa, Japan!

My first reaction was one of huge surprise, followed by concern, followed by excitement mixed with anxiety.  The way I deal with anxiety is to gather more information.  So for the past two weeks, we've been gathering information.  Here's some of what we have learned so far:

- We're going to have to store or sell our cars, because it's not financially wise to ship a car to Japan.  They drive on the other side of the road, the Japanese inspection process is picky and hard to pass with cars made for America, and we will be able to buy a used vehicle from other military families once we arrive.  This is a huge bummer as my husband has a sporty car he loves (Honda S2000) and has put a lot of time and work into keeping up, and we had expected to own it for years to come.  My van, a 2016 Honda Odyssey, was just purchased a year ago when our old 2006 Odyssey bit the dust.  However, it's a great time to sell an S2000, as demand for this car no longer being produced is rising, and I already have had 5 people express interest in buying our van.

- We are only allowed to bring 25% of the weight allowance for my husband's rank.  Everything we usually move with is always under our weight allowance.  But now we'll need to leave most of our belongings in storage.  The military will give us all the furniture and appliances we need once we arrive and have a house.  So I'm thinking we will bring our own master bed, and a few small bookshelves (because homeschool), but leave all the rest of our furniture in the US in storage.  I'm making mental lists as I look around my house as to whether it will go with us or be put in storage.

- Okinawa is almost tropical!  It sits just a little way north of the Tropic of Cancer, so it's not in the tropic zone, but it's close.  We had been stationed in Hawaii 2006-2009, so we know what that's like.  We hear the heat is a little less bearable in summer because, unlike Hawaii, there aren't the breezes blowing.  Okinawa is humid.  I prefer humidity over dry air, so I expect to enjoy it.  My skin and hair are happier with humidity.

- Three years from now, our children will outgrow many of the things we own.  So unless they are moving with us, I don't intend to store them.  Some of the sizes of winter clothes and outerwear for playing in the snow can be sold/donated.  Also some of our books and toys have already been given away with this move in mind.  If we won't need it in 3 years, I don't want to store it.

- We're going to have to decide whether or not to store or sell some other items, such as our ride-on mower, and our washer and dryer, and even my piano.  We aren't sure they'd still work after 3 years in storage, which isn't required to be climate controlled, so damage and deterioration is possible.  With that in mind, it makes better sense to sell them, and buy replacements when we return.

- Christmas decor is worth bringing, as it is hard to find in Japan.  So my little artificial tree that I was thinking about replacing with a bigger one next year is actually perfect for the next 3 Christmases in Japan where we hear housing is small.  Everything else Christmas I own has already been limited to 2 plastic bins for our last several years.  Still, I'm thinking I'll reduce it to 1 bin to bring, 1 bin to store.

- In general, I'm enjoying the motivation to purge excess belongings.  I've already sold and given away several things, and I'm finding more and more to unload as we go.  I'm working on using up lotions and soaps, cleaners and batteries, and have committed to only buying what we'll use before we move.  I find that if I know a place or a person that can benefit from my donation, I'm more ready to part with it.  Several books went to a Christian school, babyproofing things go to new moms, more books going to a missionary retreat house, some of our toys were re-gifted to nieces and nephews, and our youngests' toddler beds (modified cribs) we'll give to the local pregnancy resource center.  All my gardening supplies went to a friend who already gardens and plans to retire locally.  We've downsized our games to the ones we actually play.

- Given the ages and grades of my children (currently preschool, 1st, 8th and 9th), I will need to bring the curriculum for teaching K through 4th grades and 9th through 12th grades.  I own all of the high school resources already, and some of the elementary books I plan to use.  I can buy curriculum once we get there, because our address will be an APO.  However, shipping takes longer, so I'll have to plan ahead.  I haven't decided if I'll try to bring a few resources in my suitcase to begin our August 2020 school year, in case we're ready to start before our shipment of HHG (household goods) arrives.

- We have already made appointments with our primary care doctors to be sure everything is in order for our overseas screening.

- We'll be given "no fee" military passports which are good to get us to Okinawa, but we'll have to also buy Tourist passports for travel to or through any other country.

- Our oldest child currently plans to stay behind to begin college.  We have dozens of family and friends ready and willing to support her in our absence.  I'm grieving the distance we'll be and the lack of involvement I'll be able to have, but so grateful for others who have offered to help with whatever she needs.

- I'm on the lookout for a good deal on suitcases, possibly from a thrift store, because I expect we'll fly with our allowed 2 per person, which equals 12 suitcases.  We own 2 full-sized suitcases, and the other 5 are small.  We'll want to bring as much as we can because it will be 1-2 months before we have a house and our belongings.

- I'm also on the lookout for a new ball gown, because Army balls are a thing, and I need a new one, and I'm not sure I'll find what I need in Japan.  And a friend advised me to be sure I have shoes that are easy to slip on and off, because Japanese custom is to remove your shoes before entering a building.

I was talking with someone a few days ago, and she said, "It sounds like you're in upheaval".  That's a great word.  Lots of stuff needs to be sorted, and many plans need to be made.  But I know the next steps to take, and I've moved enough times that I am at peace.  I know that stuff is just stuff, we'll get everything prepared as best we can, and we'll enjoy Okinawa when we get there, so it will all be worth it.

When Love Looks Like a Multiple Choice Quiz

The morning started off roughly between us.  He didn't know I had slept poorly, I was still in bed when he had to get ready for a half-day of work, and I was really annoyed by all the noise he and the kids were making as they got ready for their day.  When I commented that he was so loud, he said he was sorry but he had to get ready for work.  Then he left the room, but didn't close the bedroom door.  When he came back in a few minutes later to let me know he was leaving for work, I turned away and ignored him.  So he went to work.  I laid there thinking how rude he had been to not even ask if I wasn't feeling well or hadn't slept well.  Then I got up and started my day.  

By the time he got home for lunch, I had gone back to bed with my door closed, so tired from insomnia the night before, not really hungry, and just interested in being left alone.  I heard him come in the house, get himself and the kids their meal together, and pondered how I felt.  "He doesn't love me."  That was my primary thought, followed by, "He prioritizes work over our relationship.  I don't matter."  But then I thought, "I'm going to give him a chance to prove me wrong." 

"Let's see, if he wants to show me he loves me, he'll:

1) Come in and check on me, because it's unusual that I would be in bed at this time of day.

or

2) Come in just to put his work things away and let me know he'll keep the family quiet so I can rest.

3) Come in and offer to make me lunch and bring it in to me."

Yes, I really was giving my husband a litmus test on whether or not he loved me, unbeknownst to him.  Really mature, right?

But then I realized how unfair I was being.  Yes, perhaps my expectations for the morning hadn't been met.  Perhaps he didn't perfectly communicate a loving connection before going to work.  But I was ignoring the 20+ years of marriage which is full of evidence of his love for me.  And I decided it was unrealistic to put specific options in my mind for him to fulfill to make it up to me how I felt he had behaved in the morning.  So I added a third option.

"4) Other."  My husband was free to express his love to me in other ways besides what I thought I would prefer or thought I deserved.  His other usually comes in the form of helping me around the house, giving me a break from the children, or a number of other gestures which are thoughtful and done to help me in some way.

Ideally, I might like it if my husband filled my desire to be loved in all the ways that I prefer, but to expect that always is unrealistic.  And it's also selfish of me to have an uncommunicated expectation.  He knows my love language, and I have told him what really communicates love to me many times.  But those ways are not a box in which I should confine my husband.  Instead, from now on, I hope I can choose to look at the ways my husband is expressing his love for me in ways "Other" than how I imagine he should.  He is a unique individual, and I want him to express his love to me in the ways that only he uniquely can.

Yes, I decided, I would be willing to accept option #4) Other.  So I got up, went into the kitchen and ate lunch with my family without a chip on my shoulder or unrealistic expectations, and I'm glad I did.