But it hit me today that there are so many people I have known throughout my life who I love, admire and appreciate, but we are no longer regularly in touch. Many I am able to keep up with through social media, but that is not at all the same as face to face interaction. It simply isn't possible to maintain all of the friendships I have made over my lifetime. I prioritize the effort to maintain contact with our extended family, and beyond that I invest myself in the relationships in the community where I currently live. Yet when I think about these people from which we've parted ways, I still hold feelings of fondness and I care for them deeply. I wish I could have all of my favorite people around me wherever we go. I wish we all had unlimited time and funds to visit one another regularly.
As a result, my heart is spread out all over all the places we've lived, or the places they have moved. From my first friends in grade school to the beautiful people we spent 9 months of weekends ministering alongside while my husband completed his second seminary degree - every classmate, every church, every military assignment, every homeschool community. I have met and known so many wonderful people. If I've known you, I care about you. My heart is big. My heart is spread to everywhere. My heart is sometimes hurting alongside those I know go through great loss even though they're hundreds of miles away. My heart rejoices with those who celebrate achievements. But it is hard to be disconnected from the communities where each person belongs. I'm not there building the friendship any more. I can't.
My dream of post-Army life would be to always have old friends come stay with us wherever we retire, reminiscing, and continuing wherever we left off with enjoying one another's company, and whenever we travel, to see some of them along the way. That may happen with some.
There have been times we've gotten the opportunity to go back and visit communities we've lived and loved. We often go back to the church where my husband was the minister for 7 years. But many of the people who were a part of the congregation then have moved away, switched to another church, or passed away. A year after we moved away from Colorado, we had a chance to visit our old church and some friends. A year after we moved out of Kentucky, we went to a friend's wedding and saw several people we knew. But their community changed when we left, and they formed friendships with people we don't know, not excluding us, but making it awkward for us, the now "outsiders" in a way. So returning for a visit is never exactly the same. But we certainly treasure those who are still there that we get to see.
I know we're not the only ones that move away. Since we've lived in Oklahoma, several non-military families we know have moved for their jobs or to meet the needs of family. So even in the midst of our stability in one place, our community changes and people leave to other states and countries. My daughter questioned how I could possibly have over a thousand friends on Facebook. But I explained that with all the places we've lived and served, they all add up, and I love to try to keep up with them all, at least a little bit.
It makes me sad that many of the people I know in this community someday will fade into the category of "when we lived in Oklahoma". Our connections to this place will last, and we may be able to visit, but the remainder of our Army career will probably have us living somewhere else, and we don't yet know where retirement will lead us. I have DEEP appreciation for each person we know here and how they have enhanced my life and the lives of my children and husband. I'll definitely be upset to leave.
So I accept this hardship of making friends and moving away, but I don't like it. There are moments I wonder if I even know what it's like to have a truly deep devoted friendship. I'm the type of person who is interested in getting to know every new person I can. My thought has been that even if I only have a conversation with you for an hour and never see you again, we can learn something from each other. I love meeting all kinds of people and getting to know them.
Because of this, I will bravely jump into the arena of finding my new community in our next assignment location. I need community. And that will mean my time is invested in building friendships wherever I physically am. "Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold" - an old Girl Scout song. I treasure the golds, and I look forward to meeting the silvers.
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